Say Hello to Dennis

This is my new blog. I am a man of a certain age and I have an alter ego. His name is Dennis. I don’t know why he is called Dennis, but he is, and for some reason it seems to suit him. We live in a politically correct world and all of us have to mind our P’s and Q’s. One wrong word in the wrong ear and you will bring down a world of pain upon yourself. However, Dennis doesn’t care what he says. He doesn’t care because he isn’t real. He does have a history though, I invented it one day whist lying in bed suffering from a severe bout of diarrhoea. I couldn’t go far from the haven of the bathroom so between visits Dennis came to visit and has never left.

Dennis is somewhat older than me and therefore even less tolerant. He is like an older dog who endures a puppy climbing all over him until he snaps and admonishes the puppy, who retreats for a moment, but then starts all over again. He has had several jobs and hated them all. He was once in the forces, but unfortunately due to an incident with a rather angry verucca and an over sharpened bayonet he was medically discharged and to this day he winces when he walks by the Butchers window. Dennis has had many jobs and been unsuccessful in them all. He thinks it is down to attention deficit syndrome, his employers have always put it down to Dennis being incompetent.

Dennis is unlucky in love too. He was married once, to his childhood sweetheart. Lisa. However, after 3 children, 4 dogs and a mortgage, his wife developed an unhealthy interest in her Gym instructor and after Lisa started to put herself through three hard sessions a week Dennis came home early to find that the gym had relocated to his bedroom and discovered that it was not only Lisa who was finding the sessions hard. He has never been able to eat sausages since that night.

Dennis is now an armchair philosopher and shares all his inner thoughts using me as his mouthpiece. I am sure Dennis will make you mad, make you laugh and make you ask questions.  I am also sure you will soon find you have your own Dennis.